Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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