I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
