dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
