I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize