Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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