I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
