when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
