Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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