I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize