Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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