Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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