that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
