So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
