you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
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