Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
