Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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