Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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