worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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