Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
