not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
