I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
