I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
