Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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