He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
