Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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