I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
