What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
