Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
