he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize