Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize