Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize