Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize