Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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