In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
