It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I understand Curling. That high.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
