Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
4 words: hood of his car
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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