Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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