well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
