i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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