Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
