Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
