go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Randomize
