the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
