turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
