Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
