***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
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