there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
