I think i peed on brittanys purse
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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