I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
