She's JV to your varsity
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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