Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
