how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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