final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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