Got a toothbrush?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
