my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
