His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize