I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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