Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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