What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
