i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
