I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
