First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
